1) I swear – John Michael Montgomery
2) Everything You Want – Vertical Horizon
3) Baby Come Back – Vanessa Hudgens
4) Without You – Clay Aiken
5) You were always on my mind – Elvis Presley
6) Everywhere I Go – Katharine McPhee
7) Everlong – Foo Fighters
Since I started collecting Firefly-Serenity stuff.. my collection is growing at an exponential rate.. A couple of days ago, I bought posters… today, I’m collecting autographs, trading cards and postcards from the promotion of Serenity.. I’m working up towards that spaceship.. That would be so sweet..
I managed to get Sean Maher’s and Alan Tudyk’s signed photographs.. schweet.. I’m still trying to get Nathan Fillion’s one.. Starting out with the boys I fancy here.. hehe.. Will get Adam Baldwin’s & Ron Glass’ later on, along with the ladies.. Jewel Staite’s one is a little bit hard to find.. I’m guessing it’s because Kaylee is a really popular character..
I know I sound more than a little obsessed.. But I figure, I wanna collect this stuff now while I still can.. I lost out on the whole Stargate/seaQuest/Buffy/Star Wars collections.. This is so my entry into true geekdom.. Not that I care, I’m pretty much having fun buying all this stuff.. It’s not often that I indulge my true geek anyway..
right.. bells are ringing.. gonna go watch my auctions now.. laters..
Dudes, be grateful that you so did not just have to spend an hour in a musty, smelly and hot place with no circulation whatsoever.. and an atmo like an oven..
I’m talking about the National Archives here people.. you know that building on a hill that’s preserving our nation’s history..
Jebus.. It should have been air-conditioned and dehumidified.. I was sitting in on my mom’s meeting in the conference room, looking through old STPRI magazines.. and I think I was hallucinating from the heat and lack of oxygen.. I was starting to see spots in front of my eyes, and I think I could hear chattering monkeys..
I love old book smell.. but that place has rotting book smell.. like mouldy pages and spores everywhere.. If those books and whatever aren’t preserved properly.. we’ll have nothing but piles of dust in the next couple of decades..
(tbc)
I just bought these:
Serenity Movie posters.
And these:
Firefly posters of the crew and the ship, which I will get framed and hang in my TV room.
But I want this:
It’s a replica of the ‘Serenity.’ It would go nice with my posters.. the listing on ebay is here.
I guess I know what my next purchase is.. hehehe.. after the sunglasses, before the t-shirts.
I love how I obsess…
“Are you sure, Miss ‘I’ve-been-so-emotional, -I’m-desperate-to-get-tied-down-and-start-having-babies’?”
Oh yeah, pretty sure..
“What changed your mind?”
Well, here are two of the reasons..
Right, I know, I need to ’splain myself..
I was browsing online earlier through some of my favourite shops for more Geek T-shirts.. I like my shirts with a message these days.. Though not many ppl geddit, it’s cool.. I’m carving out my own little niche in Brunei, girl with geek shirts.
It suddenly occurred to me that were I married, I wouldn’t be wearing these, I’d be in long sleeves, and a tudong, and saving all my beauty for my husband.. (*pause, tries not to retch on keyboard*)
So it’s kinda nice to get them now, while I’m unattached.. and parade my geek to the world.. and when I do get married.. I’ll be the Yummy Mummy with the geek shirts.. My kids will so have issues..
But they will be the coolest kids in the ‘Verse..
.. today, though overtoned with the sadness of a friend leaving for the Police Academy, was a good day..
I didn’t cry.. not once.. and even the house has been decently peaceful.. I haven’t been thinking too much either..Didn’t feel the need to make any emotional phone calls, short or long distance..
If everyday could be like this, I’d really be okay.. I’m not saying that I’ve stopped missing him or caring about him.. Those feelings are still there.. strong and silent, like the deep current of a river.. But I’m able to handle them better now that I’ve got the worst past me.. I guess you could say, I’m all cried out.. either that or my heart is finally listening to my head and actually digesting what the hell is happening..
Zz called today, he just wanted to check if I was okay, and maybe if I had changed my mind.. I haven’t.. I told him I missed him though, and said I really, really needed to sort myself out because I’m pretty fcuked up for now.. I could hear the hurt in his voice and the disappointment.. Sometimes I wonder if he really needs all this emotional drama in his life.. It’s bad enough for one person to go through, but to have to tag along on someone’s mood swings and not understand what the hell is going on… It must be a real bitch.. and I don’t wanna be a bitch.. It’s too late though.. I have been that bitch..
I wanna make it up to him.. But I don’t know where to begin and how.. The obvious way.. would be to just give him what he wants, say yes, and start the process altogether.. But if I’m honest, and I have to be now with myself.. It’s what I want, but I’m not happy with.. I guess, I still need those answers.. even though I’m trying to make it through without them..
Here’s the crazy fcuked up thing.. You think, I would have learned my lesson, but I still have hope.. Aiyaa.. That’s what you get for being so stubborn..
On the bright side.. I’ve been to the gym three days in a row.. I’m getting back on my Tri-distance, no longer out to win, just out to finish.. I took so much time out, that a buncha ppl have already made the compulsory distances in a couple of events.. Good luck to them..
The rest of this month should be okay.. I got stuff to do.. My sister’s birthday is on Tuesday.. Going to KL & Singapore at the end of the week.. Zz’s still pushing for the parent meet while I’m there.. I’m not so sure.. I need time. We’ll all be going to the same wedding so.. we’ll see.. maybe it’ll be one of those weird coincidences you can’t plan.. or shouldn’t have to.
Come what, May.. (okay, cheap shot, I know..) even more schtuff should be happening.. S&N will be moving into their new place, my sister will be giving birth, I got a couple places to go to, and have to finish my Learning Styles trainer assessment.. But the big thing will be the confrontation.. if I’m not over things by then.. I’m gonna have to talk to the two men in my life, and get what I need from them.
Until then.. May there be more good days like these.. Hopefully every day..
One of our numbers got his wish, tomorrow, he’s going to the training camp to become an officer of the law.. We won’t see him for two months..
He got the call this morning, and today is his last day as a civilian.. (not last day of syphilis!) A large group gathered at Xcapade Gadong for food, fun and lotsa, lotsa laughter..
I feel sad though.. I’m really gonna miss him.. I just got to know him back in July.. and he’s been a wonderful friend.. and even a hero.. First Puppy, now him.. but it’s okay.. 2 months isn’t long if you don’t think about it too much..
Mi, good luck to you.. take care of yourself.. and be the best.. I’ll try and be good.. Miss you already…
I’m a Browncoat now.. definitely for sure. I had bought the series ‘Firefly’ a couple of weeks ago, on impulse, because I worship at the altar of the gawd that is Whedon.. When I saw the first episode, and the first scene was set in a war zone.. I was put off.. I’m a bit anti-war & violence.. don’t like movies about wars (seeing Windtalkers traumatised me).. even when I watched ‘300′, I was cringing behind my hands during the lengthy and very gory (to me) fight scenes.. [The one contradiction would probably be Stargate SG-1 is a military-esque show, so how come I can watch that? Easy, they do not do blood spurting and big-eeww war wounds, and they're a PG show!]
A few days ago, while hopped up, I thought I’d give Firefly another look-see, because a) I was bored, b) none of the other series that populated my shelf was really calling to me, c) I fancy Nathan Fillion’s accent.
Since then, I have been hooked.. Firefly was definitely a series that was ended prematurely.. The characters are so varied and well-written.. You can’t help but love all of them.. The whole context of the Western style space opera (sans aliens) was so mindblowingly refreshing.. (And here’s the thing, I actually like aliens!) Zoe Washbourne is my new Carter.. and Mal Reynold’s accent.. heh.. that puts little shivers down my spine everytime he talks!
I had watched ‘Serenity’ before, but I only got halfway through, because the copy I was given was this really blurry, bad audio-camera shaking, stolen-off-the-cinema-screen, pirate affair, and it really put me off. Now, having watched ‘Firefly’, I can’t wait to get my hands on a clear copy. Heh..
Sometimes, the extent of my geekiness even amazes me..
I was reading my favourite gossip website this morning.. Apparently, Lindsay Ho-Han’s gmail and MySpace account got hacked into.. Shiny! It was fun browsing through all the e-mails and myspace msgs that are allegedly hers.. I was thinking, if it was true.. I was glad I wasn’t famous (notorious maybe..) to warrant getting my e-mail address getting hacked into..
Then again.. thinking twice about that.. I remembered my old msn address was hacked into.. by an insane ex.. he wasn’t clever.. I was just careless.. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen.. this is where those answers to the security questions really count.. so remember ‘em!
Ooh.. can’t wait to see the new Fergie video with Milo Ventimiglia in it.. From what I’ve seen so far.. it’s hawt! (Well, Milo is.. hehe..)
I can add Hairspray to the list of soon to be out movies I wanna see. The rest are : Transformers, F4: Rise of The Silver Surfer, Spidey 3, In The Land Of Women (O.C Eye candy Adam Brody!), The new Harry Potter, The Simpsons Movie, Penelope (Some modern day Fairy Tale starring Christina Ricci), Black Snake Moan, The Nanny Diaries (Chris Evans from F4, yum!), and the Hollywood remake of ‘The Eye’..
The one movie I’ve been keeping an eye on Production-wise is “Wonder Woman” supposedly released 2009 now.. It was supposed to be 2008 when Joss “Buffy & Firefly creator” Whedon was attached to the project.. Still no cast.. still no script.. Hmm.. I volunteer for both duties.. I do have the costume, you know.. hehe.. I’m actually thinking of turning up in the costume for the premiere..
Well actually, if someone paid me enough, I’d bloody go jetskiing in that costume around Empire.. hehe..
Healing starts slowly… I know that.. I didn’t expect that just because I went to the gym today that I’d be fan-fucking-tastic instantly, and that I’d be okay..
I was trying to keep my mind off things by watching Firefly.. but I found myself filled with so much ache and hurt that halfway through the episode, I started to cry.. and the episode wasn’t even sad or anything.. I just am missing someone.. and it sucks to feel like there’s part of me missing..
I’m tempted to pick up where I left off from last night.. but I won’t..
Maybe I’ll just pop a pill and fall asleep.. you can’t be sad when you’re sleeping..
Note to self and readers: I wrote this in the past tense because I wanted to make it seem like I had already gone through the changes.. therefore, making it more real in my head.
The morning after my 6 shots of JD and Lexotan “party”, I felt awful.. not hungover, but like something inside me didn’t sit right. I spent the whole morning, wandering around like I wasn’t part of my body.. I couldn’t think straight, I was on a barely functioning level.. and I was sick and tired of my feeling sorry for myself. It was an epiphany of sorts..
The only person who could fix myself was me.. so when I went home for lunch that day, I finally made the decision.. I was going back to the gym.. other parties be damned. My body was wasting away from the junk food, the alcohol and the prescription drug abuse.. and it had to stop.
The night before, while hopped up and drunk, I had called Cat, who unknowingly put things into perspective for me.. I told her my sorry tale, as always, I was expecting sympathy and advice.. She complied.. But one of the things she said disturbed me: “You were always the one who could pull yourself out of anything, why has that changed?”
Her advice was simple: go back to the gym, keep busy, find myself, move on, and not to let anyone else near my heart until I had done so.
Hence the paradigm shift. I called up Zimy, told him to hold off the bells, I needed time.. He was shocked, surprised and disappointed. I had never heard so many emotions in his voice before.. I felt a twinge of guilt.. but it soon passed.. I had become the worst version of myself since all this rubbish started.. I don’t blame him, I can only blame myself, because I let things go the way they did.
I put away the drugs.. I gave away the alcohol.. I made a decision to stop smoking. I bought nicotine patches and sought help to do so. If I wanted to get clean, I had to do it right.
Packing my gym back was probably the most empowering thing I did that day. I was touching base with myself.. The gym was my happy place, the place I did battle, and where I got strength from inside and outside.. By failing to go there, I was only making myself weaker. I resolved to get back there, guns blazing and all that.. Buffy was back.. and she was gonna kick butt, big time..
I’m now happier, more empowered, and stronger than ever.. I’m sorting out my life slowly.. I still have yet to tackle that wardrobe problem, and please.. my make-up table.. that’s gonna need a bulldozer..
But the main thing is.. I’m doing it.. and I’m getting over it.. Once and for all..
Figuring that I had probably reached my quota of needy this month.. after having to resort to calling friends in India in the middle of the night.. I knew I had to do something.. either with myself or my life. So I got this:
Credit is due to the lovely Melk.. I should have gotten this book when she first recommended it to me.. but I had to wait for the next shipment. She saw me last month, looking pretty damn pathetic and sad, and she could see a broken heart a mile off. She gave me the sweetest smile and recommended me this lovely book.
I’ve only read the first three chapters.. and already I feel like.. WTF have I been wasting all my tears and emotions for? Get a grip, girl!
Can’t wait to get to Chapter Four… and the beginning of a whole new me..
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