From Sloth to Wannabe Slayer..

March 17, 2007

Looking back only 5 months ago, I finally started out at the gym, and the fear and terror of being laughed at and/or being teased about being unfit and ugly haunted my nights and days, until it delayed my entry into the gym..

That me would have never expected to be the me now, five months later, flexing and feeling like some vain female bodybuilder..

I have to admit, I am in the best shape ever.. My jeans and my favourite Aeropostale pants don’t fit anymore.. They hang so loosely, I need to wear belts, lest I reveal the colour of my underwear to the world.. it’s a liberating feeling, it’s also frustrating, as my favourite pair of pants don’t fit.. I either need to go shopping or gain weight.. I really don’t think the latter is an option anymore.. and the only place worth shopping is New York! which is about 5 months away.. *sigh*

I’m going to allow myself a post about my vanity now.. my arms: amazing.. Those biceps are growing.. and it is so awesome.. when I flex, and I note with satisfaction that hard muscle that was not there just 2 months before.. it is so fcuking cool..

I can feel my abs.. as I clench.. and I feel that hardness just underneath the layer of fat.. it gives me hope.. To think just before.. I could barely do 10 sit-ups. I can do 100 reps.. and not just on it’s own either.. I can do it back to back with other exercises.. I am so pleased..

Though my push-ups are still shallow, and I prefer to do the modified version over the full version, I know I can do about 7 full ones on one leg. Yeah..

As for chin-ups and pulls ups, I’m not quite there yet.. but you know what, I discovered I can hang on to a bar for a full 20 seconds, suspending my full body weight. Previously.. I could barely hang on for 3. This is such a vast improvement. Eventually I will be strong enough to do those pull-ups.. and I will reach my goal of being able to do 5 chin-ups. I still have the rest of the year to get there.. With Ian, I believe anything is possible.. he transformed me into fitness machine I am now.

I’m still scared to take pictures now.. because sometimes I worry that my transformation has been an illusion and if I compare them to the old pictures, I won’t see much difference.. I know those fears are unfounded.. but the fears of being overweight have been there for so long.. it’s hard to give them up. I’m still today haunted by my cousins taunts of “Fat Elephant..” when I was a chubby child..

But I have discovered that by going to the gym, I am slowly defeating my old demons.. The sweat, pain and tears I invest at the gym, melts away the insecurities.. and though the changes may be small to some, it has made a difference to me.. My confidence has grown.. though there are days, I feel like my ego is at the bottom of my shoes.. I flex.. and well, I feel the rewards..

I’ve unfortunately developed the narcissistic habit of checking myself out in every mirror now.. giving myself a quick flex and a wink just to make sure that the body in the reflection is mine.. with 5 months of investment behind me.. I feel it was worth it.. all the pain, sore days.. and even the whining..

I may whine when I workout.. I damn well do the work.. Ian may be the trainer and is the one telling me to do all these things, but I’m the one doing all the lifting, pushing, pulling.. and the extra reps.. On Thursdays, there is no Ian, there’s just me and my notebook.. and I do my best to follow my workout almost religiously..

Though Ian encouraged me to join the Tri-Distance Challenge, it’s me that wants to win it.. I am giving credit as credit is due.. I did the work.. and now, I am starting to show results…

Who know, maybe in another 5 months.. maybe that 6 pack will be showing.. I’m not gonna delude myself into thinking that I’ll be anywhere near Gerard Butler, Chris Evans, Ryan Reynolds or even a Jolene Blalock.. but to see even the tiniest shadow of a six pack would be so worth it..

For now, I am pretty happy.. I’m in awesome shape.. I just gotta keep going.. maybe one of these days I’ll finally graduate from the likes of Wannabe to Slayer..


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