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Welcome Home :.

May 7, 2007

The Little Person is finally home.. It’s quite exciting. I’d spend every second of the day with him if his parents didn’t think I was him hogging so much.. hehe..

Even though my sister was the one to give birth, I can’t help but feeling I’ve become a mom myself.. I wanna take on some of the responsibility of this little person.. diaper changes, sleepless nights, burping and more..  I’m still a little on the cautious side when picking him up and stuff.. I’m just so scared.. He looks so fragile..

Watching my sister and her husband with the baby is the picture of perfect happiness.. It makes my heart melt everytime my sister speaks to the baby, and says stuff like “Mama is here.” It really does send shivers down my spine.

And this feeling of overwhelming overprotectiveness.. Back at the hospital when people were visiting, and they were touching the baby, and readjusting his blanket, or looking at his hands and feet, I had to quell the inner tigress.. I wanted to pounce and roar and scare those people off… Hell, I was giving evils to this little girl who was touching him a little bit rough.. *grr..*

Everything is so different.. I’m really in a different headspace..  With baby’s arrival, I am feeling a little bit broody.. it’s understandable.. When you look at his sweet little face.. his perfect hands and feet.. and even to listen to him crying.. I feel this inner surge of pride and love..

It got me talking to Zz about the future. I used to think that I’d just want to adopt, that I didn’t want to pass on my “faulty genetic material” to the next generation.. I just wanted to have kids to love and cherish.. There was a time I even thought, if I didn’t get married.. I will adopt as a single parent.

Then the school holiday activity happened, and it got me thinking twice about having my own kids.

Now, baby is here.. I definitely want my own..

Zz was sort of saying it was funny in the last few months, how my feelings have changed about children.. he was abundantly aware on my first and previous policy on kids.. so I think he finds it slightly amusing how everything has shifted.

I had a fear a couple of months back that once baby was here, that things would change drastically, and I’d be forgotten.. it’s not irrational.. it’s insecurity.. My parents would be busy paying attention to baby, and suddenly, I’d be hung out to dry.. It’s there.. twinging on the edges.. But this overwhelming love for the little person makes you forget the rest..

I really, really can’t wait to have my own now..

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