Archive for June, 2007

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The Turning Point :.

June 29, 2007

It’s rapidly reaching the 3 month mark for me and Zz. And it’s fast bearing down on me like a rampaging elephant, do I stand up to it or bolt?

In my history of past relationships, the three month mark is the most critical. It’s about that time, I kinda almost go nuts. It’s not because I’m commitment phobic, but it’s more of the element of the unknown of never having reached past it that makes me uncomfortable and nervous, like what next? Three months is nothing to most people. To me, it’s huge. Most of the time, I don’t get past the three month mark. Even when I was with Dom, at 3 months, I went nuts and pushed him away. We got back together after that. It was almost three months later I found out he slept with his ex during Christmas break and I was back home in Brunei moping about him. Yeah, three months can be a bad time..

But I don’t want this relationship to be just another one in a long string of bad ones. Zz and I are trying to make it work despite the distance and all the crazy shit. And we’ve been great so far. I know early on this year, I was a little psycho and undecided.. but now things are calmer between us, and we’re supporting each other so well.. it’s time to think about the what next part..

Well, actually, we know what the next part is.. we’ve talked about it.. We’re old enough, we’ve known each other for yonks.. and the feelings have always been there, y’know.. It makes sense, that the next big step would be a union.. It’s not like we’re 16 and stupid and I’m having a baby out of wedlock.. He’s actually working, and I got my own thing going.. I mean, come on, I better snag the guy before he discovers all my bad habits and realises that I like to wear mismatched p.j’s that don’t look the least bit slinky or glam..

But in all seriousness, I think Zz and I know what we want. We want someone to share our lives with, to come home to, to have family with.. We’ve already found each other, and now is a good time.

Don’t worry, we’re not gonna elope or something tomorrow.. I’m just saying, yeah, I’m just about ready.. but first gotta get over a couple of hurdles.. That is.. this three month mark thing, and the whole proper ‘Meet the Parents.’

So I made a deal with Zz… I set a date sometime in the near future that if I haven’t turned into Bitchzilla and made life a living hell for Zz, we’ll take the leap of faith, and get him and his parents over here and have a big ol’ dinner where we spill the beans and get a big sparkly on my finger. Yup. In a way, I think both of us feel relieved.. me cos it gives me wiggle room in case I go slightly psycho.. and Zz can sit back and just focus on work instead of worrying that his girlfriend is gonna apparate outta his life.. Relationships, y’know.. gotta make them work somehow..

I’ve been delving a lot into me lately.. I can’t help it.. I’ve been spending a lot of time alone.. helping babysit, and working on some new projects for my mom’s company which I personally am in charge of.. Quite a few responsibilities suddenly piled on me.. You gotta love the baby tbough.. from his stinky diapers to his little tantrums, to his cute coos and just awesome sweet moments.. I can see my sister and brother in law are just loving every minute. Yesterday, at less than two months, h said ‘Mama.’ Heard it loud and clear. He’s gonna be a smart ‘un. I just know it.

Can’t help but be baby crazy these days. I honestly am seriously thinking about a family of my own. I know most people think that I’m crazy and nutty and probably too unstable to start having my own kids.. But those people only know the fantastic facade I put up, and don’t know the real me.. If you did know the real me, you’d think I was right moody and nerdy.. and just plain weird. But that’s really who I am.. and that’s the me Zz knows. I am grateful because he didn’t run for the hills screaming once he realised that the happy-go-lucky girl is just the pretty picture I paint for the world.

Totally beyond the stage where I need to compete in the shallow world of ‘Who’s got the latest designer handbag,’ or ‘the friend-du-jour.’ I’m finally comfortable just being who I really am.. really bad p.j.s, fugly bed hair, flat butt, geekness and all. I don’t have to worry about trying to look like a million and a half bucks, because I got someone who loves me who’s not afraid to let me be myself.. bad jokes, urkel laugh and all.. It’s not like I’m gonna let it all hang out, y’know.. I’m dating a seriously well-groomed, polite, intelligent, cultured and well-travelled gentleman.. Kinda makes you wonder why he’s going out with someone like me.

I did ask him once though.. a couple of months back.. when we were still having teething problems and I was being stupid. What he said made me think twice about being with him.. He said, ” If I wanted a pretty, made-up, perfect girl, I could date any girl in KL. They’d be shallow, unopinionated and close minded. I want someone who’s unique, unafraid to express herself and someone I can talk to about anything, and that’s you.” I remember the sweetest thing he said after that. He still remembers this one time we went clubbing with his sister and a few of my rather ‘interesting’ friends at ‘Down Mexico Way.’ I was rather wasted, and I just wanted to have the time of my life.. so I started grabbing random people in the club and dragged them to the dancefloor. When I was done, even though I was dancing like a moron.. I managed to fill the floor up.. Not that I remember much of this.. but Zz did very well.. and even with all his years of stage experience, he said he would have never done anything like that.. It’s sweet that he still finds something special in my stupidest moments. You know that man’s a keeper.

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Whedon on auction! (Flan Rant Part II) :.

June 28, 2007

AUGH!!! For the Merciful Love of …..

The Whedon himself…  on eBay.. could anything be any cooler? (Well, Hayden Christensen in my bed would be top of my list..  but anywayyyy.. )

Joss Whedon eBay

Click on the image for more details.

San Diego, I hate you!

Man, this is like.. the 3rd time today I’ve been really disappointed..

First of all, I was the last to know about one of my special peoples coming back home. And that person has met with everyone but me. I no feel speshul no more.

2ndly, I found this heinously cool shirt on eBay, ‘It’s Not The Jedi Way,’ and the seller don’t ship overseas. I cried, begged and cajoled. To no avail… *sigh*

And the third and the biggest one would be the above thingy…

Oh for bleedin’ %$#&!!! sakes…

Powers that be, it ain’t that I’m ungrateful for all y’all blessings and stuff.. but y’know.. I’m just waiting for the shitstorm of the last 7 years to pass over, and it looks like there ain’t no end in sight..  I’m just wondering.. if y’know.. you could send a few of those clear sky days my way.. I’d be mighty grateful, and some of us that have been suffering more than most would like to see the light at the end of the tunnel, cos there sure ain’t been one for so long..

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Not what you think :.

June 26, 2007

When so many see through you,
They’ve stopped looking at you,
You feel forgotten, lost, alone..
Almost afraid, yet brave..
Fragile, yet strong..
Broken, yet together..
A lone nomad stranded in the desert,
Bowing to the winds that can never be tamed.

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Guestlist Me UK are a thorn in my backside :.

June 26, 2007

If you guys, like me, once upon a time, attended all the hip parties in London,  got invited to the big events, it’s highly likely you guys got asked by some pretty lady/hot man to join their mailing list. All you had to do was give them your name and e-mail address and/or phone number and they would let you know about the hottest events and best parties and all you had to do was to RSVP to get your name on the Guestlist, and your weekend entertainment was sorted.

Flash forward to now: I’m old (and I use the term loosely), and I don’t wanna party no more, and I’m no longer in London. I figure..  time to clear out my inbox, because among all the business correspondence, I’m still getting all these e-mails from Tesco, Dorothy Perkins, Topshop, about sales and promos and from Guestlist Me UK about parties in Pangaea, Funky Buddha and all these places, and how who’s gonna be at what event, and I should ‘be there or be square!’

So everytime one of those mailings gets in, I click that little unsubscribe link at the bottom of the e-mail, and I’ve done that for Tesco, Topshop etc.. and they don’t bother me no more.. Yay..

However.. with Guestlist Me UK, it’s been quite a hassle. They send mailings out every week on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. I have sent e-mails back with ‘Unsubscribe’ in the subject line for weeks now. And yet they still send them! NO MORE! PLEASE! It’s come to the point where I have to send e-mails with really violent subject lines in all caps like : UNSUBSCRIBE ME NOW YOU BASTARDS OR I’LL SEND KITTY POOP TO YOUR OFFICE, or my personal favourite : FOR THE LOVE OF GOD UNSUBSCRIBE ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS MAILING LIST IS MORE ANNOYING THAN A ROOT CANAL! before they take any notice.. and even then I still have to do the crapshoot ‘send e-mail with unsubscribe in subject line.’

My warning to y’all : if someone asks, ‘Do you wanna join our mailing list?’, look them sternly in the eye and ask, ‘How easy is it to unsubscribe from it?’

Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

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Sad :.

June 26, 2007

A friend of mine from the UK e-mailed me today telling me that one of my former charges at Wood Green Nursing Home had passed on. I know death is very much a part of life, I know that we all have our own ticking clocks, some of them going faster than others.. But death never fails to affect me so deeply.. from school friends, to relatives.. to people I have reached out to.. hearing about their untimely calling back to God strikes me so deeply.. sometimes it hurts..

I used to do volunteer work while I was in the UK. It was a great because it made me feel wanted and needed, and I got to meet people from all walks of life. One of the places I was assigned to was the Wood Green Nursing Home.. since it was on route, I made a point to stop for an hour or two, sometimes staying until late! just to keep the old folks company. They had amazing stories, showed me really great things.. and made me feel like family, despite the fact that I was a stranger in a foreign land. I think they were impressed by the stories about Brunei more than anything.

One of those very special people who shared their time with me was Lyndell. Lyndell was this spritely lady, who seemed to have a say about everything. She was very eccentric.. often asking me to snag some cigarettes for her on her way in, and asked me to prepare her ‘medicine.’ (I use that term loosely now, because I now realise what it really was!) and I now have the biggest smile on my face with tears in my eyes for that loud old biddy. She used to berate me for sounding like those damn ‘buggery’ Americans and her hands were so stiff from arthritis, I actually had to hold her cards when she played bridge. Sometimes she have those moments, missing her grandchildren, and she’d just want me to sit on the floor, her hands in my hair. It was sad but sweet. The old are often forgotten there, and not valued or cared for as much as they are in Asian Society.

Lyndell passed on about a week and a half ago. They had her funeral on Sunday.I didn’t know her for very long, but she’s one of those strong personalities you will always remember. I wish her peace and that all her suffering that she was living with while on this earth is lifted.

I know that there’s no way that I could have been there.. but I hope someone she loved or loved her was there with her when she passed. That’s the one thing I wish for everyone. We may be alone in the grave, but we don’t have to die alone.

Lyndell, Rest in peace, and thank you for your good life.

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I’m sorry you’ve been a jerk too :.

June 24, 2007

Zz *FINALLY* called. I knew that patience would pay off.. and a *subtly* worded e-mail.. It’s amazing what the threat of running away with Hayden Christensen to elope in Las Vegas will do…

It’s not that I want to be a bitch or anything… It’s just two weeks without talking to my boyfriend is waaaayyyy too long.. especially the way I’ve been feeling lately.

Even the conversation was short and sweet, I got the reassurance I needed.

Listen boys, it’s not that we women are insecure psychos who assume that you’re cheating on us the second that we have our backs turned.. (wait.. well, I speak for myself when I say that..) It’s just that the way we’re programmed emotionally, we do need a bit more reassurance. Once a month when I go hormonal, my behavior does tend to go borderline psycho..  but that’s not my fault.. blame biology. But yeah.. when you’re away from your girl, she can’t help but feel lonely, because her emotional needs are not being fulfilled.  You know those things like hugs and kisses, holding hands, or the way that Zz likes to stroke my hand when we’re sitting together.. physical contact means a lot.. so being away from boyfriend.. it just makes it feel a lot emptier..

Zz thought that a 5 minute phone call was really not worth the cost, especially when we usually talk for hours on end.. It wasn’t the quantity I needed.. I want that 5 minute phone call because if I don’t get to touch my boyfriend on a daily basis, the least I should get is to hear is his voice.. and let me tell you he has one of the sexiest voices in the world.. especially when he sings down the phone to me.. *sigh* I just positively melt..

All better now! Things are finally calming down at work, and he’s really enjoying what he’s doing.. Even though the demands are huge, and sometimes the hours are long.. He’s feeling much more appreciated.  I’m really happy for Zz..  And  now that he’s whipped I feel a lot better too.. Just kidding!

Anyway.. tomorrow’s Monday.. I’m gonna try and get some sleep.. this tooth of mine is making me a helluva lot cranky too..

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The Thousand Dollar Tooth :.

June 24, 2007

I just went to the dentist today.. Now I’m out 1k. Yup. Well, that’s what a root canal at JPMC will cost ya. I’m not complaining though, the specialist did great work. Minimal pain, and I’m able to eat after.. Mahal tu yo… dapat makan atu..

I have an insane fear of needles.. Hearing the dental drill makes me want to faint. I had some bad experiences when it comes to dental work. One time, I had to be given G.A in order for the dentist to give me a Local because I was so nervous about the needle coming near my mouth, I actually bit him. Hard. I believe there was a ripped rubber glove.

The Specialist at JPMC is actually a Professor at N.U.H in Singapore, so you know you’re in good hands. Dr. Seng will talk you through everything he does, and tries to minimize pain wherever he can. I’m not saying it wasn’t painless, but it was tolerable. Although I daresay that once the local wears off, I’m going to be cursing a helluva lot, but I’m taking some precautions.

I was having the time of my life in the dental chair. They had MTV on, it was some Fall Out Boy special, so there I was rocking out.. humming away.. which I think amused the Doctor and the nurses somewhat. He made me promise that I wouldn’t bob my head to the music while he was doing some drill work. I just waggled my feet instead. I can’t help it. Good music moves me.

Right, I’m going to nap now. Feeling a little woozy…