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The Turning Point :.

June 29, 2007

It’s rapidly reaching the 3 month mark for me and Zz. And it’s fast bearing down on me like a rampaging elephant, do I stand up to it or bolt?

In my history of past relationships, the three month mark is the most critical. It’s about that time, I kinda almost go nuts. It’s not because I’m commitment phobic, but it’s more of the element of the unknown of never having reached past it that makes me uncomfortable and nervous, like what next? Three months is nothing to most people. To me, it’s huge. Most of the time, I don’t get past the three month mark. Even when I was with Dom, at 3 months, I went nuts and pushed him away. We got back together after that. It was almost three months later I found out he slept with his ex during Christmas break and I was back home in Brunei moping about him. Yeah, three months can be a bad time..

But I don’t want this relationship to be just another one in a long string of bad ones. Zz and I are trying to make it work despite the distance and all the crazy shit. And we’ve been great so far. I know early on this year, I was a little psycho and undecided.. but now things are calmer between us, and we’re supporting each other so well.. it’s time to think about the what next part..

Well, actually, we know what the next part is.. we’ve talked about it.. We’re old enough, we’ve known each other for yonks.. and the feelings have always been there, y’know.. It makes sense, that the next big step would be a union.. It’s not like we’re 16 and stupid and I’m having a baby out of wedlock.. He’s actually working, and I got my own thing going.. I mean, come on, I better snag the guy before he discovers all my bad habits and realises that I like to wear mismatched p.j’s that don’t look the least bit slinky or glam..

But in all seriousness, I think Zz and I know what we want. We want someone to share our lives with, to come home to, to have family with.. We’ve already found each other, and now is a good time.

Don’t worry, we’re not gonna elope or something tomorrow.. I’m just saying, yeah, I’m just about ready.. but first gotta get over a couple of hurdles.. That is.. this three month mark thing, and the whole proper ‘Meet the Parents.’

So I made a deal with Zz… I set a date sometime in the near future that if I haven’t turned into Bitchzilla and made life a living hell for Zz, we’ll take the leap of faith, and get him and his parents over here and have a big ol’ dinner where we spill the beans and get a big sparkly on my finger. Yup. In a way, I think both of us feel relieved.. me cos it gives me wiggle room in case I go slightly psycho.. and Zz can sit back and just focus on work instead of worrying that his girlfriend is gonna apparate outta his life.. Relationships, y’know.. gotta make them work somehow..

I’ve been delving a lot into me lately.. I can’t help it.. I’ve been spending a lot of time alone.. helping babysit, and working on some new projects for my mom’s company which I personally am in charge of.. Quite a few responsibilities suddenly piled on me.. You gotta love the baby tbough.. from his stinky diapers to his little tantrums, to his cute coos and just awesome sweet moments.. I can see my sister and brother in law are just loving every minute. Yesterday, at less than two months, h said ‘Mama.’ Heard it loud and clear. He’s gonna be a smart ‘un. I just know it.

Can’t help but be baby crazy these days. I honestly am seriously thinking about a family of my own. I know most people think that I’m crazy and nutty and probably too unstable to start having my own kids.. But those people only know the fantastic facade I put up, and don’t know the real me.. If you did know the real me, you’d think I was right moody and nerdy.. and just plain weird. But that’s really who I am.. and that’s the me Zz knows. I am grateful because he didn’t run for the hills screaming once he realised that the happy-go-lucky girl is just the pretty picture I paint for the world.

Totally beyond the stage where I need to compete in the shallow world of ‘Who’s got the latest designer handbag,’ or ‘the friend-du-jour.’ I’m finally comfortable just being who I really am.. really bad p.j.s, fugly bed hair, flat butt, geekness and all. I don’t have to worry about trying to look like a million and a half bucks, because I got someone who loves me who’s not afraid to let me be myself.. bad jokes, urkel laugh and all.. It’s not like I’m gonna let it all hang out, y’know.. I’m dating a seriously well-groomed, polite, intelligent, cultured and well-travelled gentleman.. Kinda makes you wonder why he’s going out with someone like me.

I did ask him once though.. a couple of months back.. when we were still having teething problems and I was being stupid. What he said made me think twice about being with him.. He said, ” If I wanted a pretty, made-up, perfect girl, I could date any girl in KL. They’d be shallow, unopinionated and close minded. I want someone who’s unique, unafraid to express herself and someone I can talk to about anything, and that’s you.” I remember the sweetest thing he said after that. He still remembers this one time we went clubbing with his sister and a few of my rather ‘interesting’ friends at ‘Down Mexico Way.’ I was rather wasted, and I just wanted to have the time of my life.. so I started grabbing random people in the club and dragged them to the dancefloor. When I was done, even though I was dancing like a moron.. I managed to fill the floor up.. Not that I remember much of this.. but Zz did very well.. and even with all his years of stage experience, he said he would have never done anything like that.. It’s sweet that he still finds something special in my stupidest moments. You know that man’s a keeper.

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