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Lose to win… :.

July 8, 2007

I’m sure most of Brunei saw the armada of cars racing around, and the army of orange shirts marching around town.. Yup… The NBT Treasure Hunt was in full play today, and it was brilliant fun..

There were so many classic moments today.. like the boys breaking into song.. or getting snapped by the paps at every corner of Q-lap.. hehe.. Overall, it was a great experience.. even though we didn’t win…

I can’t wait to see the pictures come out.. I was snapped so many times, my face was so tired from smiling.. Hint to the treasure hunters next year, even if you have to wear the same shirt as everyone else, it doesn’t mean you have to look like the rest.. I made sure that I was VERY visible.. hehe

So visible in fact, someone I didn’t expect to see or say anything to me actually came over to talk..

I hadn’t seen Dian since that rude moment in Manggis Mall when he had the audacity to tell me, “Hey, who died and made you hot?” I was pretty cranky to be awake in the wee hours of the morning, and I was in a really weird mood..  I saw a few people that I knew in other teams, but when I saw him, the temptation was to go over and smack him. Hard.

You know that flood of feelings? The ones that just turn to rage, anger and tears all in one.. yeah.. I felt so much, and so little at the same time..

I may say that I don’t care about him anymore or that I could care less about him.. But that’s a utter and complete lie.. So when the hunt was over and I was outside taking a break from the excitement of the day, I was surprised that he wanted to talk over a cigarette.. my heart betrayed me in that little flutter at the pit of my stomach..

I’m still hurt over what he did.. I’m still angry that he ran away instead of talking out our problems and feelings.. I’ve lost a lot of respect for him, but to some degree, I still care about him.. That’s the problem with hist’ry, you may want to forget it, but you can’t erase it. It’s something we still share.. All those late nights, the times I’ve cried in his lap, the things we’ve done together.. It still means something to me.. and I guess it still meant something to him, when he came to me to talk.

I still can’t forgive him, and to be honest, I’m better off without him.. But to hear him admit to the things he did.. It healed a few of the wounds I’ve been walking around with. It felt so good to hug him, and to bury my nose in his familiar scent, and feel that amazing bear hug that let me know I was safe in the arms of someone I cared about..

My team may have not won anything today, but I still feel like I walked away a winner…

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