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Sad and Scared :.

July 31, 2007

This year seems to be a year for loss..

Just to add to the long list of people leaving me in the lurch.. my personal trainer, Ian.

I know I shouldn’t take it so personally, after all, it’s not like he meant it against me. It’s just that his relationship with the gym hasn’t been so great, and he’s finally decided he’s had enough. I don’t blame him, I’m just desperately disappointed.

Joining the gym last year was the most empowering thing I’ve done.. and Ian’s been there for most of the way, encouraging, cajoling, scolding, bullying as necessary.. giving great advice, and looking after me well, monitoring not just my weight, my health, my strength.. and I really feel like I couldn’t have done a lot of it without him. I went from pro-couch potato, to wannabe weightlifter..

Since I heard the news earlier, I’ve felt like there was this emptiness.. It seems a bit extreme, but I’ve lost a lot of people already this year, not just to death, but general disagreements and growing out of people.. and to lose one more who’s helped me grow so much… it’s a little hard to bear.

Tomorrow, well, actually today, will be my last pt session with him. I’m definitely not going to miss it.

It’s too much, it’s just too much… losing Zz, Radin and Ian.. within 10 days.. It’s just too much..

Roll on 2008, I’ve had enough of ’07.

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One comment

  1. As I was reading your post, something couldn’t help come to mind and I felt moved to share another potential perspective to all the loss you’ve experienced over this year. It actually came from something you said:

    “Joining the gym last year was the most empowering thing I’ve done…..I went from pro-couch potato, to wannabe weightlifter..”

    You made a decision last year that got things moving, that shook up your whole system. And although initially it’s often seen as a physical en devour, by going thru the process, developing habits and shedding others, by facing personal challenges and overcoming them, one can’t help but have their mental and emotional systems shaken up as well. We start seeing the world differently, start feeling differently about it and our relation to it. That leads to our interacting with it differently as well.

    You stated it was the most empowering thing you’ve done. Now you were one of the brave ones and accepted that, although you had the thought to change, you needed help to turn that thought into action, which you did. And what I see is that you have grown immensely in the last year:

    “I’ve lost a lot of people already this year, not just to death, but general disagreements and growing out of people.. and to lose one more who’s helped me grow so much…”

    When change and growth occurs, we can’t help but grow out of and shed, like a snake shedding its old skin, those things that were a part of our old life. Although it never feels good to lose friends, if they have not been taking active charge of their lives and personal growth, we begin to have less in common with them. If they are not moving forward, they may try to hold you back, not out of spite, but merely out of their own fears of taking that step to advance in their lives. Change isn’t easy. It’s actually one of the hardest things we can do. But it’s hard so that we gain the strength, confidence, empathy and courage that we will need in the new stage of our lives.

    Those you have lost this year that were a positive force in your growth, like Ian, have moved on because you don’t need them anymore. All those qualities that he provided, you now have. You are empowered! You don’t need to wait for 2008 to roll around, you’re already here.

    I am sorry to hear of your losses, it’s never easy, but I’m also really excited for you, for all that you’ve gained and the immense potential layed out before you. New challenges, new relationships, new insights, new learning, a new skin;), a new you:)

    Take Care,
    s.



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