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Encouraging words :.

August 2, 2007

Just when I feel like bits of my sky are falling down around my ears, there are really cool nice people who leave little comments on my blog that make me think, it ain’t so bad after all..

It’s hard moving forward on my own.. Not that I haven’t done it before.. But in my teenage years, I felt more invincible and confident with myself as I just ploughed through life with the gusto of a tornado, not caring who or what was in my way, or caring about the damage I left behind.

I’m older now, and perhaps more emotional.. I tend to care more about the feelings of others than for myself.. It’s become toxic.. You take on other people’s problems, without ever purging your own, and it’s just slowly killing you from the inside.. My sweetie of a friend pointed out to me earlier this week, “You always give 110% of yourself to people, never expecting them to give back the same.. which makes it unfair to you.” He’s right.

I’m slowly taking back control of my life. It’s been a long and arduous process.. I’ve had to let go of some friends.. and distance myself from others who I felt just weren’t taking my feelings into consideration.

It’s been a lonely road to walk, because I’m the kind of person that needs constant guidance and company.. but I needed to touch base with myself, and find out who I really am.

And I’m really liking it.

I remember an older brother figure sending me an e-mail that spoke volumes. ” There are friends for a time, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime.” Friends for a time were supposed to help you through a difficult moment in your life. For a season, were to help you grow and move on to the next phase. Often, you don’t keep those kinds of friends, because they were there to help you when you needed them. I don’t think I need to explain what friends for a lifetime mean.

GymJane is right, Ian is one of those friends for a season. I’ve come so far with his help, but for the next stage, it has to be me. This is what growing up is all about. I may be 25, but I’m still learning on a daily basis what it means to grow up.

I’ve learned..  it’s okay to be alone sometimes. And that I need to give people space to breathe and grow too. That the world is not out to get me, though sometimes it feels like it. That sometimes growing up means growing apart. That change is hard, but it is also the best thing that can happen to you. That I don’t need to take the weight of the world on my shoulders. That it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. That I don’t need people as much I thinkI do. That I am a strong, unique individual, and I wouldn’t want to be anyone else.

I have a lot more lessons to learn, and there is that twinge of fear of the unknown. But I’m not going to let it stop me from living my life, full and happy.. I didn’t let it before, and I’m certainly not going to let it do so now..

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