Archive for the ‘memories’ Category


DDR Dreams :.

December 8, 2007

This may seem lame, but I wish I had a video of everytime I played DDR back when I was at my peak in London. I was an honorary member of the London DDR Afficionados, and we used to dance together at several locations. I only competed once, and I came in third for the Rookie Technical category. Not that it matters anyway.

These days, I know I could never dance as well as I did back then. The legs have gotten heavier, reflexes slower. I still can DDR my little heart out on Doubles, but I can no longer do the three or four straight sets like I used to. These days, I’m lucky enough to get through one.

You know what I miss the most? The EZ2Dancer on the top floor of the Troc, the one next to the bowling alley. Yeah. I would pwn it by dancing my favourite set of three songs, guaranteed B+ and above, “You Rock My World”, ” Like I Love You” and “Jenny From the Block.” If I was feeling crowd pleasin, “Can’t Get You Outta My Head”, “Dirrty” and “La Vida Loca.”

I really wish I had videos of all of these. Sometimes when I listen to certain songs, JT’s “Like I love you” especially, I can almost do the moves, from memory.

I know it’s silly, but DDR was a big part of my life in London. There were some days, even though I was lugging a bag of heavy books, and I was tired, I’d still make my way to Troc to play a few games just to get my mind off the crap of the day. And though I usually ended up looking like a sweaty crazy person (even in the midst of winter), nothing made me feel as good as I did after I played a few games of DDR or EZ2D.

I do indulge myself here every so often. Sometimes in the afternoon, when my mom’s not in the office, and I can sneak off. I go to Q-lap Mall to relive my glory days on the EZ2D machine there. I know it hasn’t got all the cool songs, but it’s good enough for my once-in-a-while gameplay.

I like that DDR is kinda my indulgent thing. I think I’ll still be playing it as long as I can walk on two feet. Even in New York.


I’m 15, not 25 :.

November 8, 2007

For some reason, I felt like a total teenager tonight. Blonde and bizarrely happy, as if the rest of my world was not falling around my ears.

Maybe it was the company I needed. Maybe it was the fact that I’ve been holding my breath the last couple of days wondering. Maybe it’s because today, I finally got an answer.

Even though I knew that answer a long time ago. But to look into someone’s eyes intimately and know the truth where you stand, you can breath a sigh of relief and really not wonder anymore. Months ago, I walked away, cutting my losses, and set my mind free. Today, I set the rest of my spirit free.

I confess to that tiny, tiny grain of hope that lay somewhere deep in my heart that wanted something to be there. But it wasn’t.

What confirmed the rest was the naive attitude towards all things, perhaps ignorant? Don’t pretend to understand my life, or try to be condescending. Lecturing me about right or wrong?

Lady, I have seen shit that would scorch the hair off your balls.

I have made it through enough personal hell to know my fucking consequences.

Karma? You don’t know diddly squat. Karma owes me big time.

My fucking point? Maybe there is none. I was looking at a mere shadow of a person today. One who didn’t venture beyond their own boundaries. And will always see a line and the sign that says “Do not cross.”

I’m not that kind of person. I know I venture where angels fear to tread. And sometimes, I take too many risks. But if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be standing today, I would have long passed from this world by my own hand.

Some people were made stronger than others. I’d like to think I’m one of those. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, I’ve forged my own path, I dared not to follow convention. And I don’t regret it.

After the anger passed, I started feeling sorry for that shadow of a person. I did honestly want to take them by the hand and say, “Go out and live before it’s too late.” But I smiled, said nothing, and let them go on their merry way.

Funny thing about life is, when we were born, we were born with all eyes open. And along the way, some decided to close their mind’s eye, and in effect, close their heart and their souls to other experiences. The choice varies from person to person. My choice is obvious. Their choice is theirs, and as much as I want to grab them, shake them and tell them… whatever, it’s their choice, and I have to.. abide by it, even though I don’t respect it in the least.

I’ll go have my fun. I will enjoy myself, live life to the full, make mistakes, stumble and fall, brush myself off, pick myself up and keep doing what I feel/need/want to do. I am a more fulfilled person, and I know I have touched more than a few lives. And I know so many interesting and wonderful people. Any butt-kissing, soul-sucking, egotistical, selfish, moronic, holier-than-thou fucking wannabes… you can go sit in your little invisi-square and stay there. Put your personal velvet rope up, and limit yourself to that small piece of “What you want to know and nothing else.” Me and my amazing, personally enriched, fulfilled, open-minded, beautiful and loving friends, we will take over the world.

In fact, the world is already ours.. you’ve just been too busy not knowing.

Shadow Person. Thank you for today, everything before and goodbye. You go your way, and I’ll go mine.

My wonderful friends, old and new, I love you. Thank you for accepting who I am, bits, pieces, baggage and all.

God, thank you for all your blessings, for the courage and strength you have given me, for carrying me when I felt I had none, for your faith in your wayward child, and pointing my compass, even when I have ventured far from your way.

To the one, whoever you are, thank you for loving me. It’s all I ever wanted.

And to the someone who’s momentarily chasing my demons and shadows away, making it not such a lonely place to be in right now, I don’t have words, but the smile on my face, the happiness in my heart, and the twinkle in my eye says everything.

In ten days, I hope all this wisdom is still intact. Who knows.

Anyway, I started this off light, I’ll try and finish it light.

I had fun today. I went shopping with one of my best friends. I hung out with some fun friends. I got to see someone I really missed. I have cute tikuses. I bought more make-up on eBay. I kissed two people today.


Whitney Houston – I Wanna Dance With Somebody :.

August 21, 2007

For some reason, I’m totally feeling this song this morning..  It reminds me of some pretty sweet times back in London at Popstarz at The Scala on a Friday night. Popstarz had three floors of indie, RnB, and 80’s Cheese for your dancing pleasure. Me and the gay husbands always started in the Indie Room, then the RnB room, and always finished the night with some cheesy music in the 80’s room upstairs. The people were always friendly, and the bouncers always let me in free because I was there almost every week. It was some of the best times of my life.

“Don’t you wanna dance, say you wanna dance.. Doncha wanna dance!”