Love, marriage and other half-truths :.

Love and marriage, love and marriage,
Go together like a horse and carriage..

Wasn’t that how the theme song of “Married with Children..” That was a funny show. I loved how dysfuctional that family was.

Okay, enough fluff.

Marriage, that’s the buzzword these days. No matter where I am, that word inevitably pops up in conversation, bringing with it the good, the bad and the ugly. Mostly the latter reaches my ears though. And it makes me more determined to enjoy my life and be true to me before I settle down.

I don’t have to look far for examples of marriages that don’t work. In all honesty, my parents marriage has hardly been all hearts and roses the past 7 years. There are times, I don’t know, I just want to ask my parents to go and get the hell divorced because I am so sick and tired of living day to day in a warzone. There are times I’ve had to choose sides, and it kills me on the inside, because as much as I am Daddy’s little girl, I love my mom too. But little miracles happen, and they stay together another day. Often I do wonder why they do, is it because they love each other, or they’re just too old to live without each other?

Excuse my cynicism when I illustrate with another point. I’ve got friends in marriages who are so unhappy, they have to find other pursuits. Loveless marriages, the only glue keeping it together are either children or family pressure. Some are just with their significant other because they’re too afraid that if they leave, they may just end up alone. And the thing is, they pop up so often, you wonder if there are any ‘real’ marriages left in the world?

Like anyone and everyone else, I am myself afraid to be alone. I feel like there’s this missing part of me because I long for someone to share my life with, give all of my heart and soul; full and complete. It’s not that my life is lacking because I don’t have someone, but it would be more richer with someone in it.

But I guess I’d rather be alone than be in a loveless marriage, bitter and angry at my husband, and forced to pursue extramarital affairs just to keep myself sane.

Typical scorpio, it’s either all or nothing, either one of two extremes and never in between.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not pooh-poohing the whole institution of marriage. I do have illusions and dreams of adjusting my husband’s tie before he goes to work, sitting by the sink as I watch him shave, having all out spats and making up on the kitchen floor later. But I think I’d rather wait it out and find someone who I can be happy with the rest of my life.

Maybe I ask for too much. Yes, I’d love a guy with Hayden Christensen’s brooding looks, or Jake Gyllenhaal’s dark, blue eyed gorgeousness.. But you don’t have to be hot or cute to get me. I’ve said before “Romance my mind and you have my heart,” I’d love someone who has much to teach me and open my eyes. But by the same token, he should be ready to learn from me, seek adventure and love life. I’d enjoy the give and take of good intellectual conversation for the rest of my life. Yes, and he should be tolerant enough of my ‘blonde moments’ and my demanding personality.

Back in August, I was sitting with Gray Eyes in ‘The Dead Poet’s Society’ and he was listening raptly to what I was saying, and wasn’t even shocked when I revealed a little of my wild side. I could live that afternoon ala ‘Groundhog Day’ forever, because I saw in his eyes, not just wisdom from living a lot longer than I have, and living on the other side of the world I have known, but, this great sense of eagerness to listen and learn to what I have to say. When I was telling him about how engagements go in Brunei, (‘The Village’, our inside joke), he just so earnestly wanted to know more.

I want that from a guy, that you never stop getting to know me. The same way I’ll continually discover new things about you everyday, even if it’s the fact that you have this aim to collect 100 plastic lobsters from a particular restaurant on the Upper East Side that gives you one everytime you eat a lobster there.

I was never a ‘sweet kind of romance’ girl. Don’t give me roses, give me gerberas. And call them by the nickname I give them. I don’t want cute bears with hearts, give me a Stitch or Yoda doll. You don’t need to sing me “I will always love you”, sing to me your favourite song of all time badly on karaoke. Even if it’s Aqua’s Barbie Girl. Give me a thousand memories, rather than one super romantic moment.

I in turn, will probably laugh at you if you accidentally swallow the ring while drinking the champagne it’s in. And then I’ll help you by performing the Heimlich maneuver when you’ve almost turned purple.

I don’t care if ends up the most spontaneous yet manky ‘Britney’ quickie wedding in Vegas with the worst looking ‘Fat Elvis’ presiding. Janji saja sayang selamanya. (Just promise you’ll love me forever.)

No, I don’t want to be unhappy in a marriage because I said yes to the wrong guy, because I had an ‘accident’, because I just didn’t want to be alone.

And I could have very much made that mistake earlier this year, with Zz. I’m glad that my reluctant heart hung in there as long as it did, and didn’t fall for all the songs of romance and perfect companionship. No. It wanted the right love, and it wasn’t going to settle for anything less.

If anything, all of these words that have been burning my ears have made me realise, I’m going to wait for the right one. Not Prince Charming, but the guy who will understand that his geek wife will get dressed up in cosplay and drag him around to Sci-fi conventions.

It’s better to wait than regret. I don’t want the only regret in my life to be the biggest burden for the rest of it.

One family of cousins all got married in their 30’s, and they seem to have done alright for themselves. Even though they were the talk of the family, and the subject of clucking tongues for the longest time, they decided they were going to do the right thing and wait. And wait they did, they’re all happy, with no pressure to spawn future progeny anytime soon, all taking it at their sweet pace.

And under the very same roof as one dysfuctional marriage, a life’s journey between two kindred souls has begun and blossoms more with each passing day. I talk, of course, about my sister and her wonderful husband. The very same people who gave me a song and dance routine for my birthday, complete with excited, high pitched singing. Their love story started a long time ago back in High School, but unlike High School sweethearts, they didn’t get together until later. No, the romance in their story comes from a single page, with a pencil drawn sketch of a rose.

When my sister first left for the UK, her classmate handed her a letter of several pages, wishing her luck, and so much more. One of those pages contained that hand-pencilled sketch, which my sister kept along with the letter.

Several years away studying, and a VERY BAD BOYFRIEND later, these two souls would be reunited as friends, and start spending more and more time together. And last year, they got married, despite initial parental resistance, and differences in education and status, which in the end, truly didn’t matter.

Today, that pencil sketch is framed and hangs in their bedroom, as testament to a love that started long ago, but didn’t blossom until late. The rose has become their logo, and their love just evermore grows.

I will not get caught up in the excitement and wanting of all engagements and marriages around me. I will not be brainwashed by the cutest babies in the world, and googley eyed couples. I will not envy the happiness of my friends as they take the next steps towards the rest of their lives. My time will come.

But I reserve the right to be Bridezilla, and squee myself hoarse when the time does come. And until it does, I will wait.

I’m 15, not 25 :.

For some reason, I felt like a total teenager tonight. Blonde and bizarrely happy, as if the rest of my world was not falling around my ears.

Maybe it was the company I needed. Maybe it was the fact that I’ve been holding my breath the last couple of days wondering. Maybe it’s because today, I finally got an answer.

Even though I knew that answer a long time ago. But to look into someone’s eyes intimately and know the truth where you stand, you can breath a sigh of relief and really not wonder anymore. Months ago, I walked away, cutting my losses, and set my mind free. Today, I set the rest of my spirit free.

I confess to that tiny, tiny grain of hope that lay somewhere deep in my heart that wanted something to be there. But it wasn’t.

What confirmed the rest was the naive attitude towards all things, perhaps ignorant? Don’t pretend to understand my life, or try to be condescending. Lecturing me about right or wrong?

Lady, I have seen shit that would scorch the hair off your balls.

I have made it through enough personal hell to know my fucking consequences.

Karma? You don’t know diddly squat. Karma owes me big time.

My fucking point? Maybe there is none. I was looking at a mere shadow of a person today. One who didn’t venture beyond their own boundaries. And will always see a line and the sign that says “Do not cross.”

I’m not that kind of person. I know I venture where angels fear to tread. And sometimes, I take too many risks. But if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be standing today, I would have long passed from this world by my own hand.

Some people were made stronger than others. I’d like to think I’m one of those. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, I’ve forged my own path, I dared not to follow convention. And I don’t regret it.

After the anger passed, I started feeling sorry for that shadow of a person. I did honestly want to take them by the hand and say, “Go out and live before it’s too late.” But I smiled, said nothing, and let them go on their merry way.

Funny thing about life is, when we were born, we were born with all eyes open. And along the way, some decided to close their mind’s eye, and in effect, close their heart and their souls to other experiences. The choice varies from person to person. My choice is obvious. Their choice is theirs, and as much as I want to grab them, shake them and tell them… whatever, it’s their choice, and I have to.. abide by it, even though I don’t respect it in the least.

I’ll go have my fun. I will enjoy myself, live life to the full, make mistakes, stumble and fall, brush myself off, pick myself up and keep doing what I feel/need/want to do. I am a more fulfilled person, and I know I have touched more than a few lives. And I know so many interesting and wonderful people. Any butt-kissing, soul-sucking, egotistical, selfish, moronic, holier-than-thou fucking wannabes… you can go sit in your little invisi-square and stay there. Put your personal velvet rope up, and limit yourself to that small piece of “What you want to know and nothing else.” Me and my amazing, personally enriched, fulfilled, open-minded, beautiful and loving friends, we will take over the world.

In fact, the world is already ours.. you’ve just been too busy not knowing.

Shadow Person. Thank you for today, everything before and goodbye. You go your way, and I’ll go mine.

My wonderful friends, old and new, I love you. Thank you for accepting who I am, bits, pieces, baggage and all.

God, thank you for all your blessings, for the courage and strength you have given me, for carrying me when I felt I had none, for your faith in your wayward child, and pointing my compass, even when I have ventured far from your way.

To the one, whoever you are, thank you for loving me. It’s all I ever wanted.

And to the someone who’s momentarily chasing my demons and shadows away, making it not such a lonely place to be in right now, I don’t have words, but the smile on my face, the happiness in my heart, and the twinkle in my eye says everything.

In ten days, I hope all this wisdom is still intact. Who knows.

Anyway, I started this off light, I’ll try and finish it light.

I had fun today. I went shopping with one of my best friends. I hung out with some fun friends. I got to see someone I really missed. I have cute tikuses. I bought more make-up on eBay. I kissed two people today.

Selfish :.

I wanna be selfish, and pick up my life and go..

Not worry about anything, or consequences, live life from breath to breath, moment to moment, heart to heart.

Because life is an adventure waiting to unfold.

I’m not afraid to make mistakes, to get hurt, to stumble on my feet, to start from the bottom and work my way up, as long as I get to live my dream!

To be coddled, cloistered, wrapped in tissue paper.. that’s just as ridiculous as it seems.

Were I selfish, I would run..

Were I selfish, I would be free..

But I’m not… and I’m forced to live a madness, all the while seeking a dream.

Fame is such a fickle creature :.

That Chris Crocker video has gone VIRAL! As of now, the video has had over 8 million hits, and spawned a slew of spoofs.. Some notable ones being Perez Hilton, iJustine and my personal favourite, Seth Green, black eyeliner galore!

And to top it all of, the crazed ‘Brit Brit’ fan has scored interviews on American morning talkshows and on Jay Leno. INSANE.

Is this the nature of celebrity now? I mean, seriously, we pop some crazy video on YouTube, and BAM! You’re the next subject to be interviewed?

So bad black eyeliner + scroungy white shirt + beige sheet background + enormous wailing & crying = FAME!

Jeez.. I so need to get some of that..

(Warning: For all these vids.. I really suggest you turn the speakers down.. all these whiny voices could make you pop an eardrum.)

Small Bytes – Before Puasa Edition :.

I’m so jaded by the world lately. Not enough happy. Too much angry and sadness. Where is the happy, I don’t know. I miss the happy.

It’s Britney, bitch. After her disappointing performance at the VMA, you have to watch the video of her ‘SuperFan’ Chris Crocker defending what little left of Britney’s honour there is. To make fun of someone’s sincere tears is evil. But hella funny. And I need a laugh these days. Click here for video. Word of warning.. He/she/it wails something horrible, so turn down your speakers if you don’t want the dogs in your neighbourhood barking, and the cats wailing. My favourite bits : “two fcuking kids,” “SHE’S A HUMAN!” and “You mess with me..” Like yeah whatever. What are you gonna do, cry us to death? Cry me a river, bitch.

I’m doing a Bridget Jones and cutting down on my fag consumption. It’s not as painful as I thought. But still hard. Part of it is because my damn mouth still hurts so much from the root canal, it actually irritates me to smoke. And I stopped buying menthols.. and I damn do not like Lights.

Call me the ‘Grinch of Raya,’ because I’m not looking forward to it, AT ALL! If I could, I’d rather be elsewhere for Raya, nowhere that’s celebrating. I’m looking forward to Puasa.. but not Raya.. Worrying about bajus and what to serve and open houses and just stuff like that in general.. DO NOT WANT! I might not even have an open house this year. But people are welcome to request my famous ‘recipe so secret I have to kill you if I tell you’ lasagna for their open house. Will be happy to contribute. I’ll put XXXtra cheese even.. on top of the usual Xtra cheese I pack in there. Please form an orderly queue. Lasagna limited to one house per day.. while stocks last.

It’s funny how people can make you feel so small about yourself. Things like ‘you look cheap’ and ‘nobody likes you because you’re so selective about your friends’ and other assorted comments that makes one feel less than one’s worth. Damn. Yeah, I know, I shouldn’t believe everything that is said, but hell, like I said above, there’s not much of the happy in my life right now.

Oh, I should give mention iJustine. I don’t know if it’s for real, but apparently she got an Apple logo tattoo. Which is pretty nuts.. But that girl’s heart belongs to Steve Jobs. So I guess that’s more appropriate than signing his name across her heart. As for me, I’d get a Stargate Tauri Chevron tattoo.. or the Atlantis Patch.. yeah.. that would be like the 100th level of cool for me.

Okay.. well.. That’s it for today.. I dunno.. if my head’s on straight later I’ll give you guys something more to chew on. But for now, I’m just gonna go cry in my shower, alone. That’s nothing you wanna see on youtube.

Not sure where :.

It’s been crazy.. really crazy.. and I’m not sure about myself.. I don’t know, maybe I’m hitting another phase or something.. But I feel like I’m half living, half watching a movie right now.. How can one feel so separate and disjointed about their life?

I bumped into an old friend a couple of days ago.. I have missed this person so much.. when I sat down and talked to them, it was like things hadn’t changed.. which worried me a lot.. Well, it was them that hadn’t changed really.. I’m not naive and personable as I once was, I’ve grown.. it seemed like they hadn’t..

I know before I was a people pleaser, and I would.. and still do, anything for my friends.. but I guess nowadays, I reserve the right to veto certain things.. I realised that people don’t care about me as much as I think they do.. But it doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring about people.. It just means that I’ve learned to be selfish for myself.

Right.. just trying to get by these weird days.. Oh, if you see some insane lady, showing off on the DDR machines in Q-lap.. that would probably be me.. hehe Stay far away from my flailing arms, wouldja?

Whedon on auction! (Flan Rant Part II) :.

AUGH!!! For the Merciful Love of …..

The Whedon himself…  on eBay.. could anything be any cooler? (Well, Hayden Christensen in my bed would be top of my list..  but anywayyyy.. )

Click on the image for more details.

San Diego, I hate you!

Man, this is like.. the 3rd time today I’ve been really disappointed..

First of all, I was the last to know about one of my special peoples coming back home. And that person has met with everyone but me. I no feel speshul no more.

2ndly, I found this heinously cool shirt on eBay, ‘It’s Not The Jedi Way,’ and the seller don’t ship overseas. I cried, begged and cajoled. To no avail… *sigh*

And the third and the biggest one would be the above thingy…

Oh for bleedin’ %$#&!!! sakes…

Powers that be, it ain’t that I’m ungrateful for all y’all blessings and stuff.. but y’know.. I’m just waiting for the shitstorm of the last 7 years to pass over, and it looks like there ain’t no end in sight..  I’m just wondering.. if y’know.. you could send a few of those clear sky days my way.. I’d be mighty grateful, and some of us that have been suffering more than most would like to see the light at the end of the tunnel, cos there sure ain’t been one for so long..

If only :.

If the world were run my way..  the male population would all be blue eyed, and dark haired, talk in Southern accents, and they’d only want gutsy girls, with balls… and don’t mind the fact that their girlfriend’s weightlift.. And they would all have manners because if they leered or made rude remarks.. a pen would jab them in their sensitive man parts…

There’d be sales everyday.. The stores would take in upon rotation to have a sale.. And credit cards.. if you spent in a sale.. you’d actually get the difference put into your bank account..

Fat free versions of everything would actually taste good..

They’d have separate gyms for wannabes and people serious about working out.. And everyone who signed up for a trial membership would have to wear ugly yellow t-shirts that say ‘Trial’ and  get second dibs for everything..

Power cages would be available in pink, and because they were in that colour.. they’d be less than half price for anyone who dared to buy one..

You could tap into the internet with your brain.. and play games that way too..

One day a week, men would be required to pamper their wives/girlfriends – draw a bath, wash their hair, mani/pedi,  massage and then finish off with VS lotion.. and make sweet, sweet love afterwards.. and not fall asleep until their partners say so..

If only..

Rising Teen Crime in Brunei – Borneo Bulletin :.

See Article here. Warning: That links to BruDirect, notorious for heavy advertising, so if your browser loads pretty slowly.. it’s not your connection.. it’s the crappy site.. It’s so bad, I try not to visit it because it’s known for causing browser crashes.

But that’s not the point.. I’m talking about how the headline in the newspaper is drawing attention to the burgeoning bored youth problem here.. It’s no surprise.. There are actually few things that the kids can actually do. There are a few kids clubs and activities.. and most of the time, kids are too busy with tuition and school, that they have no time for other activities.. which leads to rebellion..

In my experience.. it’s all too easy to escape from tuition and go hang out with friends.. especially when tuition schools are sprouting up in commercial areas like Delima, Kiulap and Gadong.. Parents just drop off the kids at tuition school, the children smile, wave, watch as their parents drive off.. and *wham!* They’re off to The Mall or Sugarbun, or Jollibee…  They’re sly little buggers, I tell you.. I can say this because I have been there..

I’m sure we have facilities for kids in Brunei.. the problem is they’re not well publicized.. The other thing is people here are a bit ‘karit.’ (Admit it, it’s true!) People don’t want to pay for a service if they can avoid it.. So rather pay for something which their kids can benefit from, they’d rather wait for the free beta version..

I’m not adverse to working with kids.. If it means I get to help raise a free-thinking generation with great morals.. give ’em here.. I’d love to help these kids stay out of trouble and give them some inspiration towards greatness.. I have a few ideas that I’d like to establish.. Like my book club, for example.. and a sports club, for kids who’d like to keep active.. I even wanted to build a skate park inside a warehouse.. until I was told that the whole skateboarding trend was on a decline.. I don’t want things to go by trends.. I want the cool stuff to stay.. I’d like the kids now and in the future to have a better childhood than I did.. and a safer one..

I know parents can’t monitor their kids 100% of the time.. But surely there is something better they can do than letting their kids trawl endlessly in The Mall or other shopping complexes, hook up with bad influences and get labelled as social ills.

I’m trying to put together a series of activities for the kids in the afternoons so that parents can send their kids knowing that they’ll be safe.. Perhaps a club of sorts.. where kids can get help for their homework, and after they’re done.. do some interesting activities so they won’t feel bored.. at least it’ll get them away from the boring brain-drain box called TV.

Ideas, ideas.. just no funds to carry them out..

Frustration :.

I got a lot of ideas and words floating around in my head, but by the time I’m seated in front of my laptop, everything just flies out the window.. and all the pretty words and well formed paragraphs disappear.. It’s like some eff-ing bad writer’s block McNasty. *sigh* Nothing that I really want to write is coming out..

Coupled up with some really bad body issues. Every single hang up that I have seems to me multiplied by factor 10, despite the fact that I know I’ve been doing some really hard work at the gym, and I should know better.. But I just feeeeeeel sucky.. Oh yeah, Miss Universe on tv just now.. would give any sensible girl an eating disorder.. and many a man a freaking bad hard-on..

No rutting jedi mind powers can save me right now.. I am so ‘Dark Side.’

I need a holiday, not like that’s going to happen anytime soon though..  I’m easily pleased.. A weekend at the local Beach resort will do.. Fluffy beds with bad pillows.. a gorgeous bath with a view of the sunset.. a few friends.. and lots and lots of sleep.. Ah.. I could live with that..

Either that or a short jaunt to Singapore.. of course that would mean endless eating.. but hey.. I’d sacrifice my calorie counting for the sake of a little R & R.. and I’d get a week’s pass at a local gym..

It’s that whole.. working hard and getting nowhere issue, I suppose.. Yeah.. you know what.. I’m going to take some leave and head out.. I think this restless soul just needs a little adventure..

‘Tayto chips and guilt trips :.

I’m contemplating whether to start munching on some bloody potato chips.. I’ve been almost religious in my zeal to work out the past few days.. so I think I’ve earned a few.. Unfortunately, you know once you start, you can’t stop ’til the entire bag is gone.. and even then.. you’ll be licking your fingers just to get the last remnants of the salty savoury not-so goodness.. *sigh*

I’m starting to get gorram bored with the workouts Ian has left me with.. he’ll be back in another 5 days. Must keep going. It’s all to easy to take a couple of days off, and much harder to haul ass and back into some sort of routine.. Part of my dissatisfaction is also because the 2 kg I’ve lost wasn’t really a big loss, because it’s part of the 3 kg I gained from bumming around for most of March and April. There’s also a bit of frustration, because as much work as I do.. my gains and losses are minimal.

I have to be realistic though.. It took years to ruin myself.. it’s gonna take as much time, or more, to fix it. I don’t expect miracles, but sometimes, your mind can’t help but wander to some more superficial methods of losing weight.. like plastic surgery for example.. Not that I would.. I’m scared of needles.. so having some big sucking vacuum violate my insides multiplys fear by ten… but at times you do get desperate..

Desperate enough to eat oatmeal for example..  First day I actually managed to eat breakfast… Although now I’m thinking, I’m not really missing out on much at all.. Then again, they say that all good food tastes bad.. and the stuff that’s bad for you tastes like heaven.. I’m starting to believe it’s true..

I’ve read the hype.. I’ve gotten an online Phd at every bodybuilding forum/site about how to do the fat loss, muscle gain thing.. And they all, and even Ryan ‘I’ve got abs to kill for’ Reynolds say the same thing. Eat every 3 – 4 hours.. and make sure it consists of protein, fat and carbs. Fine, sure.. the eating part is okay.. but choices here are limited. I could probably live off cottage cheese, it ain’t too bad.. But that’s in short supply here.. I’m not a big tuna fan.. but the want/need to lose that extra poundage drives me to eat it.. The sliced meat is all salty.. so eww..  Oh turkey, you food of kings.. not available.. I could live off turkey slices forever.. If I wanna start eating right, it means cooking..

Jeez.. the things you gotta do to get buff…

It almost drives you towards that KFC bucket.

Note that I said almost..

Protected: Just because I’m hurting, it shouldn’t interfere in your life :.

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

A.M Sweat fest :.

It’s a public holiday today, so I figured that I’d fit in an A.m workout because everybody’s going to be hitting The Mall, and parking would be a problem.. Actually trying to even get near The Mall would be THE problem, traffic would just be murder..

The gym was pretty quiet, except for the Britney Spears music being blasted over the speakers. Please. What happened to all that cool rock music they were playing before? I don’t hate Britney but I’m not exactly looking to listen to her greatest hits while I’m pumping iron.. It just so doesn’t go.

Did my ‘animals’ today.. and mixed things up with my workout.. Is it okay for a girl to say that I felt extra sweaty today? I don’t think it was exceptionally warm in the gym today.. But I figure I’m probably not used to working out so early and  I kind of went out without really having breakfast.. just some chocolate milk.. and 100 Plus to sustain me during the workout.. Bad habit, I know.. I’m so used to not eating in the morning.. But that’s got to change so I bought some strawberry flavoured oatmeal to start the day with.. If only I remember to eat it!

Gawd, I totally hate fcuking mountain climbers..though I can do more now.. they’re still a fcuking thorn in my side.. like I need my shirt riding up everytime I do them, or problems with my shoes flying off. I’ll still do them though.. I just have a huge bone to pick with Ian when he gets back.

I managed to do 25 box jumps straight. I am pleased with myself.. (still loathe them though..) My heart rate was a massive 189 bpm after though.. Oy..  The things we have to do..

I think my stamina’s gone up.. and I know there’s changes in my arms. I’m still not happy with my middle though. I’m not trying to be extreme skinny.. God knows that I can never be that.. Though I do have a little envy for those girls with thin arms and tiny bods.. I have to accept that I am nowhere near that. God blessed me with the bone structure of an Amazon, and hopefully the strength of one too.. I’d be happy with a flatter middle.. and I will work to get it.

Auntie Flo came to town today.. explains why I was so emotional last night, and pretty bloated last week, and very spotty right now. *sigh* The monthly trauma of a woman. I need a massage, a facial and a call from my boyfriend, dammit!

Small victory today.. Last month I couldn’t fit into my favourite jeans.. (excessive muffin top, ugh!) Today, I could. even though they were still a bit on the snug side (no muffin top though!).. but hey.. the waist was loose! More deadlifts and squats, and soon they will be loose.. though I’m not too sure I want that to happen.. but hey, any reason to go shopping right?

Come on, Wannabe, you’ll be a slayer soon! If not Wonder Woman!

Flan Rant (Where do you think Brunei is?):.

It’s hard being a Browncoat at the edges of the ‘Verse.. or in this case, on the other side of the world.. in a country uninformed people think is:

a) in the Middle East (no, Brunei is NOT Dubai & just because oil is our main export doesn’t mean we each have an oil well in our backyards)

b) full of lush tropical jungle so that must mean that the residents live in trees (like wtf? I have Internet, so explain THAT!)

c) Muslim Extremists (Hayll no! I draw your attention to the country’s full name which is Brunei Darussalam, Darussalam meaning ‘Abode Of Peace.’)

d) Dar-el-Salaam in Tanzania (It has happened, my family was once stopped in London Heathrow because the officials there couldn’t read AND were cavemen, like, Hello! You work at an INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. We nearly missed our connecting flight thanks to them!)

For more information about my beloved country, clickies here please.

Anyway, the reason for this rant is that, I realise I am at a disadvantage when it comes to buying stuff over teh Intarwebs, namely Firefly & Serenity stuff.. I’ve discovered that a lot of dealers on eBay won’t ship here, or they’re giving me a hard time with Money Orders and the like.. Ugh. Were it not for my almost fanaticism (or maybe I just have a highly addictive personality, either way, it’s the almost crazies), I would have long given up on collecting stuff..

I am just personally peeved because Zz is having a hard time with a vendor on eBay.. all because of me..

You know those Serenity comics I wanted? Well, Zz, the sweetheart, did some detective work, and managed to track down someone with the full set of 9 to sell.. and he won the auction.. only now.. The vendor says he can’t ship them because Brunei is not listed in the shipping calculator.. SAY WHAT? And he won’t ship to Malaysia neither, because Zz’s eBay account was registered in the UK.. so apparently he can only ship it to the UK, EH?

*Insert a lot of bad words here* So now Zz’s stressed out and disappointed.. and though I reassure him that it’s the thought and effort that counts.. I can’t help but feel disappointed myself.. as I REALLY WANT THOSE COMICS! *Grrrr!* What, do I have to move to the States or something to be a Browncoat?

My other peeve :

*sighs*

It’s in Burbank, California on October 27th -28th. On the weekend of my birthday, there’ll be a Stargate one, same place..

You know, what sucks about it.. it’s that, as a single woman, who has no obligation and the freedom to travel where she likes, will not be able to go because I’m still under my parents thumb.. Yeah, it’s just the way things work around here folks.. And being out here.. I’m the only Firefly Serenity fan that I know of.. and who is hardcore enough to want to go.. Can you feel my frustration?

I know Zz would go with me for the sake of letting me go.. But it’s not the same as going with a fan (and I know he will get bored..) and his job means that he can’t accompany me.. Oy, The sucketh.

Maybe I need to find a new obsession..

Parking Peeve :.

I hate it when people nab our reserved parking space.. It means that I have to drive around looking for one.. Today it was 15 minutes.. Those 15 minutes in a hot car infuriated me more than anything.. when usually I just complain to my staff about the parking idiot du jour, today I left a note.. YES! A note.. and took pictures of the damn car too.. HAHAH!

Should I post it here or not?

*wonders*