Back to the gym :.

Though I got a major ego boost while I was in the U.S, I’m starting to come back down off my ego trip. It all started when I was looking pictures that I took last night while I was out with friends.. It did not look good.

I went to the gym yesterday, but try as I might, I just wasn’t feeling it. I was alone in the weights room.. wishing that Ian was there to talk to. I could barely focus on what I was doing. So after a quick round, I just went home and went on a Stargate binge.. watching 3 episodes to while away the afternoon.

I need to get my act together. Up the cardio, and stablize my lifting routine. Especially if I want to follow through with my special plans.

It’s just a little difficult now, because I’m so used to having Ian around not just to watch my form, but to talk to. Well, at least I went back to the gym.

Tomorrow I’ll just do 11-ty billion miles of cardio just to get my routine started.. Yeah, go Buffy go..

Sad and Scared :.

This year seems to be a year for loss..

Just to add to the long list of people leaving me in the lurch.. my personal trainer, Ian.

I know I shouldn’t take it so personally, after all, it’s not like he meant it against me. It’s just that his relationship with the gym hasn’t been so great, and he’s finally decided he’s had enough. I don’t blame him, I’m just desperately disappointed.

Joining the gym last year was the most empowering thing I’ve done.. and Ian’s been there for most of the way, encouraging, cajoling, scolding, bullying as necessary.. giving great advice, and looking after me well, monitoring not just my weight, my health, my strength.. and I really feel like I couldn’t have done a lot of it without him. I went from pro-couch potato, to wannabe weightlifter..

Since I heard the news earlier, I’ve felt like there was this emptiness.. It seems a bit extreme, but I’ve lost a lot of people already this year, not just to death, but general disagreements and growing out of people.. and to lose one more who’s helped me grow so much… it’s a little hard to bear.

Tomorrow, well, actually today, will be my last pt session with him. I’m definitely not going to miss it.

It’s too much, it’s just too much… losing Zz, Radin and Ian.. within 10 days.. It’s just too much..

Roll on 2008, I’ve had enough of ’07.

Small Victories :.

In case you’re wondering.. I haven’t been wallowing in bed moping about Zz.. I’ve been so busy, that blogging has become a luxury..

I didn’t even manage to get to the gym until today.. and even then, it was just a PT session with Ian, I didn’t even have time to cardio..

A friend I hadn’t seen at the gym in a while was there today.. I didn’t even realise it was him on the treadmill in front of me.. And when I realised it was Tin tin, I wolf-whistled and told him to shake his bon-bon..  Okay, I know it’s incredibly sexist.. but we’re cool like that.

It was a good session, despite all the children in the weights room. Ian was having me do lat pull-downs, squats and push-ups back to back. So we occupied our little corner of the room.. I was doing quite well, when in the middle of my 2nd set of reps, some punk decided to use the lat pull down machine. Ian politely shooed them away, but I could tell he was annoyed. The third time around, some other child decided to try squats in the power rack, using the weight Ian set up for me. I was less than amused at that point, and Ian frustrated.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that there’s no exclusivity on weights.. But at least have the courtesy to ask if we were done, and the other thing that bothered me was that by the third rep, the weight on the bar was quite heavy, and not good to start with, or for beginners, which I assumed that guy was.. (You can tell, over developed arms, skinny legs.) So for my fourth set, Ian set the weight heavy. Not too heavy for me, of course, but heavy enough to show those kids that I am not to be messed with. The thing about Ian is, he’s not heavy handed with the compliments. When I’ve done a good job, he acknowledges it.. If I’m being lazy, he lets me have it. So when he said ” Show them what you can do..” I knew that was my cue..

We’re both pleased with my push-ups.. Both in quality and quantity. No spaghetti limp arms for this girl. I was so happy that I gave Ian the lunges. You gotta give and take..  I may whine about them, but I’ll still do them.

The highlight of the day wasn’t about working out, though it happened at the gym. I had just picked up a parcel from the post office.. and inside were two pairs of jeans I had bought on eBay. At first glance, I was wary because as gorgeous as they were, I didn’t think they would fit. So after my shower, as if I was facing an enemy, I decided to try a pair on..

The fit is snug.. but I can fit into them! No grease or effort to get into them.. No sucking in, no not breathing.. I FIT INTO THOSE DAMN JEANS! I was so happy, I squealed and did a crazy half-nekkid dance around the locker room.. Had anyone walked in then, I think they would have thought I was batshit insane or something.

So yeah.. I’m getting there.. : ) One jeans size at a time!

—————-
Now playing: Billy Crawford – When U Think About Me
via FoxyTunes

Fat legs and Jedi Mind Tricks :.

Okay, I lie.. they’re not really fat.. they’re just awesomely muscular. And have extremely large bones. I have gigantic bone structure, okay. God gave me Amazon build. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I can never be a skinny, frail chick. I’m cool with that. I’m okay with the whole thick legs thing.. I already know that all I have to do is slip on a pair of heels, and they instantly go from chunky to sexy.. hence, why I love heels.. Even if it does make me taller than about 75% of the male population in Brunei..

Uh.. I’ve lost my point.. Oh yeah.. Legs.. I’m quite amused by the fact that since the last time I weighed in my legs have gained a kilo of muscle, and a wee bit of fat.. My arms have lost a little bit of muscle mass.. and that belly fat is budging, in small numbers.

But overall, I’ve gained muscle mass… which is why the numbers on the scale keep climbing, much to my discontent. *sigh* I know that muscle gain is good.. but I’d feel a lot better if the numbers went down.. instead of up. This is why you cannot trust your scale.. I hope that by getting a jump start with my cardio, that I’ll start losing a bit more fat mass.. and see a few more changes… preferably no more to my butt, thank you very much. I used to be ‘Bootylicious’ and now I have a flat butt.. All the better to fit into jeans I suppose.. *sigh* But I miss it so..

I was watching a guy on the treadmill today in utter fascination.. I couldn’t help it.. He ran maybe a half-hour, or maybe even closer to an hour… whatever it was, he had maintained constant speed and didn’t stop.. not for rest, nothing.. and by the end of it, he was so drenched… it was like he had just hopped out of the shower with his clothes on.. I’m serious.. that was how distinctly wet he was.. and he didn’t stop running.. not ’til he was done. I was just so in awe. It just gave me more mental fuel to want to get to that stage..

After three days of the 3:2 walk/jog, I can see a small improvement.. On the first day, my heart rate was peaking something nasty in the 180.. I noticed that it was peaking consistently at 178 today.. I really want to get that down because I’m working so close to 90% of my maximum heart rate..

I’m no athlete, though I would like to think that I am.. I don’t want to risk injury or burnout.. I’m certainly enjoying my daily gym sessions.. I feel that I have more mental focus, and peace of mind.. My headspace isn’t as dark as it’s been the past few months.. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s almost like all that excess mental energy that drives me to overthink and overanalyse everything gets burned up in the gym.. and it’s such a nice feeling.. For most of my life, I’ve never really enjoyed mental clarity in a very natural way.. I’ve always abused something or other to filter out all the noise in my mind.. and even then, it wasn’t really clear thinking, it was just a way to block it out..

Contrary to what most people think, working out isn’t a mindless thing.. I know in my head, I’m running through my goals and using great mental focus to get that extra rep, to get to the two minute mark of my jog without giving in, listening to my body and where it aches and hurts.. and I feel because of all that forced focused thinking, that’s why I’m less… nuts(?) these days..

I suppose I worry less about people and things.. I really need to focus on myself.. So I’ve been indulging in some visually gorgeous but mindless TV, making shopping lists, just really enjoying me and finding myself again..

I think the other thing I should do is get a massage.. My back is sore.. Yes, mindless pampering is good too..

Learning to run :.

Two days of cardio in a row.. an emergency cropped up and I had to send my parents to the airport, so I missed out on my PT with Ian..

I was thinking of trying spinning again, but there were only intermediate classes today, so I gave it a miss.. I wasn’t about to jump into the deep end without at least trying to last through an entire class. I may try that next week..

I’ve mentioned before that I have trouble running.. I have some weird thing with my hip, where it locks up.. but jogging I can just about do..

I’ve started jogging for two minute intervals on the treadmill.. It’s kind of scary to see how fast my heart rate just shoots to about 180.. I didn’t realise I was that ‘unfit.’ Well, time to change all that..

I’m doing a jog for 2 min/walk for 3 min.. It’s a comfortable pace I can keep up.. Before, just rushing up a couple of flights of stairs used to wind me.. The fact that I can keep pace for 2 mins, is a pretty big improvement.. I have to admit, there were a couple of times that I got winded and ended up shaving 30 secs off my jog time.. But it’s the first week, you know.. We shall make improvements as we go along..

There was a guy beside me earlier at the gym, he had been running for 30 mins.. and I could only look on in envy.. I mean, come on.. in a 2 min jog, I was as drenched as he was at the end of his 30 mins..

When working out, you can’t really compare yourself to others, you got all body types, and people who have been working out for years and newbies.. It’s okay to be a little competitive, but you don’t wanna be such a smart ass, that upon seeing a guy squatting 150 lbs, you think, “Hey, I can do that!” when you’ve really only been lifting a week.

Though I envy those people who can run for miles without breaking a sweat, I know I myself am capable of getting to their level, it’s all a matter of keeping up, improving a little at a time.. and habits have got to change.. I don’t expect miracles, especially since I still smoke.. That’s one habit I really have to kick.

But I’m happy with what I’ve achieved the last couple of days.. I’ve been to the gym three days in a row.. that’s one more day a week than I’ve been going for a couple of months. If I go tomorrow, it will be two. And when I hit the gym on Saturday to PT with Ian, that will be three. Take it one day at a time.. Add another minute, an extra rep, an additional lb on the bar. Don’t let the setbacks and disappointments get you down.. Keep moving forward.. At each goal, celebrate your achievement, and look forward to the next one.. Don’t stop, don’t stop believing, and above all, don’t stop achieving..

Yes, this is becoming a slayer, the hard way..

1111 :.

1111 – Approx No. of Calories I burned at the gym today, according to my Polar Watch.

58 – No. of shots I missed.

8 – No. of shots I managed to get in the basket.

30 – Minutes I stayed in the Beginners Spinning Class.

2 – Minute intervals which I started jogging on the treadmill.

1 – really proud but tired Buffy.

I’m trying to get out of the rut I’ve been wallowing in and trying to reprogram my brain not to hate cardio. Cardio is almost essential to any weight loss program, and these past few weeks, my two sessions of weights with Ian has pretty much been what I’ve been doing each week. I’m trying to change that.

I was telling Ian about my cardio rut yesterday, and he took me to the basketball court to shoot some hoops and practice some passes. I got quite into it, so I included it today in my ‘cardio-fest.’ I just needed to change up things a little bit.. so I added short running intervals when I’m on the treadmill, and started hanging out in the basketball court.

I don’t what made me say ‘yes’ to the spinning class though.. Pia just came up to me and asked if I wanted to join.. and I have refused profusely many times before.. and before I knew it, I was one of those really uncomfy bike seats, listening to Rosa yell “Up, down, up down, UP DOWN!” I always find myself in situations where I’m the only female. This spinning class wasn’t any different. I mean, save for Rosa, there I was, the only girl. “One girl in all the world..” Is it because I wannabe Buffy? Hehehe.. Okay, LAME! I know..

Can’t wait for tomorrow.. I asked Ian to reschedule our Saturday session.. because I’ll feeling rather psyched..

You know what would be a really interesting workout? Teyla from Stargate : Atlantis stick fighting martial arts. That would be pretty awesome.. Either that or sword fighting… I love watching movies with lots of intricate swordplay, because it’s not just about swinging this massive metal thing with sharp edges around, it’s almost like a dance… a very dangerous one while wielding a massive metal thing with sharp edges..

Anyone know someone like that who could teach me?

A.M Sweat fest :.

It’s a public holiday today, so I figured that I’d fit in an A.m workout because everybody’s going to be hitting The Mall, and parking would be a problem.. Actually trying to even get near The Mall would be THE problem, traffic would just be murder..

The gym was pretty quiet, except for the Britney Spears music being blasted over the speakers. Please. What happened to all that cool rock music they were playing before? I don’t hate Britney but I’m not exactly looking to listen to her greatest hits while I’m pumping iron.. It just so doesn’t go.

Did my ‘animals’ today.. and mixed things up with my workout.. Is it okay for a girl to say that I felt extra sweaty today? I don’t think it was exceptionally warm in the gym today.. But I figure I’m probably not used to working out so early and  I kind of went out without really having breakfast.. just some chocolate milk.. and 100 Plus to sustain me during the workout.. Bad habit, I know.. I’m so used to not eating in the morning.. But that’s got to change so I bought some strawberry flavoured oatmeal to start the day with.. If only I remember to eat it!

Gawd, I totally hate fcuking mountain climbers..though I can do more now.. they’re still a fcuking thorn in my side.. like I need my shirt riding up everytime I do them, or problems with my shoes flying off. I’ll still do them though.. I just have a huge bone to pick with Ian when he gets back.

I managed to do 25 box jumps straight. I am pleased with myself.. (still loathe them though..) My heart rate was a massive 189 bpm after though.. Oy..  The things we have to do..

I think my stamina’s gone up.. and I know there’s changes in my arms. I’m still not happy with my middle though. I’m not trying to be extreme skinny.. God knows that I can never be that.. Though I do have a little envy for those girls with thin arms and tiny bods.. I have to accept that I am nowhere near that. God blessed me with the bone structure of an Amazon, and hopefully the strength of one too.. I’d be happy with a flatter middle.. and I will work to get it.

Auntie Flo came to town today.. explains why I was so emotional last night, and pretty bloated last week, and very spotty right now. *sigh* The monthly trauma of a woman. I need a massage, a facial and a call from my boyfriend, dammit!

Small victory today.. Last month I couldn’t fit into my favourite jeans.. (excessive muffin top, ugh!) Today, I could. even though they were still a bit on the snug side (no muffin top though!).. but hey.. the waist was loose! More deadlifts and squats, and soon they will be loose.. though I’m not too sure I want that to happen.. but hey, any reason to go shopping right?

Come on, Wannabe, you’ll be a slayer soon! If not Wonder Woman!

Crunch time :.

Yes Buffy.. it’s time to do your reverse crunches.

Workout was just a little off today.. I forgot to do my set of ‘animals’ warm-up stretches: the donkey, cobra, scorpion, frog and inch-worm. I don’t know the real names for the exercises, I just do them. I have to remember to do them tomorrow.. I always forget because I’m used to running straight into the weights after warm-up. I sure do gosh darn love my weights.

Today was all about the 50’s : deadlifts, push-ups, reverse crunches, etc..

I kinda skipped the box jumps today because I arrived late, and there was a class in the fitness room. I also skipped my shoulder press and switched them with upright rows instead. I’ve been trying to try them since I read about them in M&F Hers. Could only do two sets of 10, because my wrists have been bothering me lately. Note to self: consult Ian about this.

I added squats and pull-ups as well.. to switch it up.. still need to work towards my fitness goals..

A little bit of good news though.. all the work I’ve been investing at the gym has paid off.. I weighed in today with Ayeth, and to my great glee.. I’ve lost a couple of kilos.. Yaye! And this is the first time since I started working out that my BMI has dipped below 30. Gotta be grateful for small goals. Have to keep working.. want to show Ian some good results by the time he gets back from holiday.. so maybe I should just focus on the Buffy-ing and not worry about the defective social life. Go with what’s working with me right now.

Go for gold, Buffy..

Do I workout funny? :.

The gym was surprisingly quiet today, for a Monday.. The past few weeks have been nothing short of chaotic because of the launching of ‘Body this’ and ‘Body that’.. I just don’t do well in classes.. Give me free weights anyday..

As usual, I was the only girl working out in the free weights area. *sigh* It is so weird not having Ian there.. and plus.. I feel like my workout kinda sucked.. I don’t know whether it’s because I’m not pushing myself hard enough, or it was just a bad day..

It was definitely a weird day for sure.. I mean.. usually I don’t get a second glance from the guys.. I’m not being perasaan here, honestly.. today, two guys were giving me funny looks..

The first time was when I was doing box jumps in the fitness room… I still suck at them so every 10+ reps, I get so winded, I have to stop and take a breather..  Just as I was in the middle of my set.. a guy walked in.. I thought that maybe he was looking for someone.. and would go away, but he actually stayed for a bit and watched me.. Creepy much. I couldn’t help but think.. ” Damn, and I had to use the pants which make my butt look extra big today..”

The second time was when I was doing shoulder press in front of the mirror in the free weights area.. My right elbow clicks when it starts getting fatigued.. so I don’t know whether it was that or my crappy form which made the guy there doing seated shoulder press laugh. Yeesh. It’s just not my day.

Chun was at the gym today.. he was giving a little advice about supplements, and recommended that I take creatine.. I’m not too sure.. because I’ve read that it makes you bloated.. it’s bad enough being a woman and feeling bloated when Auntie Flo’s about to hit town, but do I really wanna feel the bloat all the time? Must ask Ian when he gets back..

Dear self, must work harder :.

Last workout with Ian today.. Except for the box jumps, everything was great.. Until weigh in time *sigh*

The last time, it was bad news.. Today, again with the bad news.. He wouldn’t tell me the details except that I’ve gained nearly a kilo of muscle.. Bad news can only mean fat has gone up again..

Crap.. Well, been eating a little too much lately.. so I need to eat less, cardio more..

Really want to make a difference before Ian gets back.. We’re already scheduled for the 9th..

Must not be too down by this, after all, I’m happy with the muscle gain.. It’s nothing that I can’t fix anyhow..

Keep going, Buffy..

Things I’ve learned at the gym :.

a) Stretch – warm up and cool down. It makes the difference between aching for one day or three.

b) The harder an exercise takes to master in the beginning, the more I will love it later on.

c) That the changes are not for anyone else, but myself.. and that should be the only reason to do it.

d) ‘Tis better to have smaller arms, than scrawny legs.

e) Nothing in life is given to you, you must fight for time in the squat rack.

f) Men will look away if they see you can lift more than them.

g) Free weights rule over machines. Anyday.

h) I can out-squat 80% of the men in my gym.

h.1) It also means that 100% of the men in my gym fear me.

i) Don’t be afraid of challenges, embrace them and emerge stronger than before.

j) I really, really hate lunges, box jumps and mountain climbers.

Because I’m a girl :.

Today’s workout was extremely satisfying, I managed to get complete the first 5 exercises without interruptions. Usually, I manage half the reps, and by then my muscles feel fatigued so I need to rest before finishing the set. It’s a major improvement..

It was the box jumps and the mountain climbers that killed me.. Oy.. But my technique has improved.. Just need to get the stamina up..

I have new respect for Ian today.. He totally pushes me harder than most of his male clients, because he feels that I can and will do better. He’s right, I’m always up for that challenge. At the moment, it’s trying to complete all the exercises without the breaks and the huffy-puffy in-betweens.

My only envy is that, no matter how hard I work.. It will always take me longer to gain muscle mass and lose the fat.. Bloody testosterone.

Ian’s leaving on Friday, which means that I’ll be flying solo for two weeks. I’ve got out my work cut out for me, because he wants me to be able to do Workout A as a warm-up.. I’m not too worried.. I can do everything.. The only thing is, I’m gonna feel so stewpid doing jumping jacks.. all on my lonesome..

After today’s workout, I honestly think that A is gonna a lot less painful.

I have a new goal to add to my list. Ian wants me to be able to do the bird pose. Oh crap. I tried that the other day… I could barely lift my heels off the ground, and he expects me to be able to do THAT?!

Must do more handstands.. build upper body strength.. then can do.

Back to basics :.

I didn’t go to the gym today because we’re having a function at the house, and my right wrist kinda hurts a little.. Not sure why.. It was doing this clicking noise yesterday.. so I rotated my hand around a bit trying to figure out where the sound was coming from.. The clicking is gone, and pain has taken it’s place.. I don’t know which is more annoying.. I’m hoping they will both go away in time for my workout tomorrow..

Trying to get back into swing of regular workout sessions. I had a month of wallowing, which meant irregular workouts, regular binging, and much slothfulness on my part.. so I gained back a bit of the fat I lost, lost a bit of the muscle mass I had gained, and also lost much of my stamina and strength.. Aiyaa! Got a whole lot of work to do.. But I’m not giving up..

Am rethinking my supplements at the moment..  Right now, I’m on Hydroxycut Hardcore.. and that’s it.. I may just start taking protein again. My recovery times between sessions are way longer than I’d like.. That extra day of soreness does make the difference.. So protein’s back in.. and besides.. I think I dropped the weight a lot faster when I was taking it than when I wasn’t. And I miss the muscles.. I definitely miss the muscle..

I might just switch the Hydroxycut Hardcore to Hydroxycut Weightloss formula. The Hardcore does work.. but that’s for more serious weight-lifters looking to cut.. I’m nowhere near that.. I’m Blubber Buffy looking to lose the blubber..

Ian and Pia are going away for a couple of weeks, so he’s left me to fend for myself.. It’s cool though.. He’s got my workout all written down in my green book.. There’s 150 and the 300.. I’m supposed to do the 150 everyday.. OY! Hate, hate, hate, hate jumpin’ jacks.. even though my fantastic bouncy new shoes make them so much easier on the legs.. Hate mountain climbers as well..

Not looking forward to when he gets back.. when I weigh in again.. *sigh*  Must. Lose. FLAB!

Someone, stake the evil fat monster!

Fitness Goals :.

Homework: List down my goals and progress to track my long term performance.

At the beginning of this year, my personal goals were:

a) Be able to do 5 chin ups

b) Be able to squat my bodyweight

I’d like to add this to my list:

c) Reduce my bodyfat by 5%

d) Be strong enough to do a proper handstand

e) Be able to do 20 proper push-ups

f) Hold the plank for 60 secs

g) Be able to bench press 40lbs (on the 45lb bar)

Those are my goals.. I’m not saying that I will be able to do it all.. But with a proper mindset, we are capable of almost anything..

Workouts & Vitamin C :.

Yesterday was virtually a struggle and a half to work out.. I had to ignore all the signals my muscles were shooting my brain, screaming “Pain! Pain!”, and tried my best to plough through it. If the muscle soreness is pretty bad, the 2nd day is always worst than the first!

Working out was easier half-way through because Ian was encouraging me, and pushing me to do more.. He had me doing reverse crunches whilst holding 40lbs.. he was training my strength and stability.. I had just graduated to being able to do 50 reverse crunches straight, so he upped it a level..

Why I like working with Ian is that he pushes me when he knows I’m capable of doing more. I can work out on my own.. but I’d probably remain stagnant and at the same level.. with Ian.. he doesn’t let me settle for just so-so.. He enjoys training me harder than most of the guys in the gym (muscleheads excluded). I found out yesterday, he deliberately asked me to join the squats challenge, because he was sure that I’d come out top.. as most of the men in the gym don’t bother with squats.. I could have probably won it too, if it had not been a while since I last squat with heavy weights.. My disadvantage was that all this time, I had been working on mostly bodyweight exercises.. maybe next time, I can beat them all!

To help with the soreness, I’ve been guzzling fresh oranges, and orange juice.. Not sure which magazine it is,but according to either ‘Muscle & Fitness Her’ or ‘Women’s Health’, Vitamin C can curb the pain a little..

I’m not normally a fan of oranges.. but for some reason, the ones at Hua Ho have been extra sweet recently.. I say, take advantage of the fact.. Remember your 5 a day, (servings of fruit and veg, that is!)..

This has been a public service announcement by Brunette Buffy.. Have a nice day!